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Chuck Norris is God

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Top 10 Facts:
# 100A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
4.35 Roundhouse Kicks (2036 votes)Rate it:12345

# 83Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
4.28 Roundhouse Kicks (3279 votes)Rate it:12345

# 1Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. But he is so badass, he has never cried. Ever.
4.26 Roundhouse Kicks (4253 votes)Rate it:12345

# 151Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
4.25 Roundhouse Kicks (2345 votes)Rate it:12345

# 105Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
4.24 Roundhouse Kicks (3197 votes)Rate it:12345

# 178Chuck Norris lost his viginity before his dad did.
4.23 Roundhouse Kicks (1639 votes)Rate it:12345

# 196Mr. A once claimed that he's tougher than Chuck Norris. Upon hearing about this, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him so hard he flew 19 letters back in the alphabet, becoming Mr. T. Chuck Norris does not pity the fool.
4.22 Roundhouse Kicks (1460 votes)Rate it:12345

# 381In the Coke vs. Pepsi Challenge, Chuck Norris chose Sprite...and he was right.
4.2 Roundhouse Kicks (1775 votes)Rate it:12345

# 536Scientists created Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sly Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Vin Diesel, and Hulk Hogan by using urine samples from a toilet Chuck Norris once pissed in.
4.2 Roundhouse Kicks (617 votes)Rate it:12345

# 101Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
4.19 Roundhouse Kicks (2725 votes)Rate it:12345

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15 Random Facts: (more)
# 210Chuck Norris is so tough that he chooses to eat from his ass, digest upwards and shit from his face.
2.38 Roundhouse Kicks (428 votes)Rate it:12345

# 489When Chuck Norris plays Battleship, all of the ships sink themselves in fear.
3.83 Roundhouse Kicks (355 votes)Rate it:12345

# 441Windows will not lock up on Chuck Norris. Because Windows is afraid.
3.63 Roundhouse Kicks (334 votes)Rate it:12345

# 657The U2 song "Sunday Bloody Sunday" was written to depict the day of the week when Chuck Norris has sex with Irish women.
3.29 Roundhouse Kicks (293 votes)Rate it:12345

# 346Chuck Norris is his own father.
3.24 Roundhouse Kicks (353 votes)Rate it:12345

# 440Wendy's makes vanilla Frosties especially for Chuck Norris.
2.87 Roundhouse Kicks (289 votes)Rate it:12345

# 479All life on earth is carbon-based, with one exception: Chuck Norris. His organic structure is based on Norrisilium, an element found only within Chuck Norris. Norrisilium has an atomic weight of 156, and is believed to be formed when two platinum atoms are spin-kicked together in the presence of a beard catalyst.
3.53 Roundhouse Kicks (288 votes)Rate it:12345

# 415Chuck Norris sent Yoko Ono to destroy John Lennon for unlicensed beard wearing and pacifism. She failed so he roundhouse kicked Lennon at Strawberry Fields.
2.46 Roundhouse Kicks (285 votes)Rate it:12345

# 126Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him and he had a great fall. He died.
3.43 Roundhouse Kicks (474 votes)Rate it:12345

# 118In 1959 Stephen Hawking became the first and only person to outsmart Chuck Norris. He learned his lesson.
4.12 Roundhouse Kicks (1147 votes)Rate it:12345

# 507They are only friendly skies when Chuck Norris isn't flying.
3.49 Roundhouse Kicks (273 votes)Rate it:12345

# 437Chuck Norris caught and tied a calf in a rodeo-show with his penis.
3.07 Roundhouse Kicks (326 votes)Rate it:12345

# 660Chuck Norris is the only man to ever successfully divide by 0.
3.91 Roundhouse Kicks (361 votes)Rate it:12345

# 44Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
2.3 Roundhouse Kicks (623 votes)Rate it:12345

# 168Chuck Norris' girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
3.65 Roundhouse Kicks (566 votes)Rate it:12345

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