Chuck Norris is God

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Facts 93 through 106: <= Prev Next =>
# 93Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
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# 94If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
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# 95They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
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# 96Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
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# 97As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
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# 98Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck Norris tendon.
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# 99Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky".
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# 100A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
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# 101Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
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# 102Chuck Norris was going to spend a relaxing day watching television when one of those commercials for Trix cereal came on. Angered by what he saw, Chuck Norris spent the rest of his, what was supposed to be a relaxing day, punching every child he came across. He would then shout at them, "Trix are for Chuck Norris."
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# 103To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
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# 104Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
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# 105Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
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# 106When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
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# 107Everytime a waitress doesn't return with your food ontime, its because Chuck Norris is secretly having sex with her -- and all of the other waitresses -- in a back room. That's also why the food tastes extra good when it finally arrives.
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