Chuck Norris is God

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Facts 40 through 53: <= Prev Next =>
# 40There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
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# 41Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
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# 42If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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# 43The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.
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# 44Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
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# 45Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
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# 46Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
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# 47Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
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# 48Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
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# 49When Chuck Norris plays Red Rover, he walks over to the other line, roundhouse-kicks the first person, watches them all fall over in a domino, and screams out "Norris is over".
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# 50Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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# 51Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
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# 52One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
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# 53When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
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# 54When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
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